Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
