I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
