You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
there's paper in my vomit.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
