We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
