Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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