Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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