im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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