We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
