Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
