I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
