Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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