I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
