Sry I called you an 8
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
