Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
