you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I am one with the molecules
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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