In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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