Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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