everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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