who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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