did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
