he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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