Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
