apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
