I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
