It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
