I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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