Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
