your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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