I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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