I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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