so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i think im in europe. pls send help
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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