I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
