i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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