I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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