Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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