She is in my trunk
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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