Christians are straight up FREAKS
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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