Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
