the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
