the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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