We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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