this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
