i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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