He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
