Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
