she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
