Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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