I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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