I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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