Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
