Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
